"Thank you for holding. How can I help you today?"
"Hi, yes, thank you, I just have a question about my account. I checked online and…"
"Um yes, for account questions, you need to press four on the menu."
"Ok can you just—excuse me? Hello? Hello? What the crap!"
"Thank you for holding. How can I help you today?"
"Yes, I just got hung up on, I'm sure it was by accident. Is this who I talk to for account questions?"
"Well, you're really supposed to press four—"
"I did. I just did, and it brought me to a nine minute wait and then you."
"That's funny, sometimes people do hit the wrong button by mistake. Please hold while I transfer you to the right department."
"Thank you for holding. How can I help you today?"
"There'sawrongchargeonmyaccountcanyouremoveit?"
"Let me connect you to our Spanish-speaking representative."
"No I speak Engl—"
"Hola—"
"I just want to get a charge on my account fixed!"
"Senora, you speak English? Let me transfer you."
"Thank you for holding. How can I help you today?"
"I need an incorrect charge removed from my account and apparently no one knows who I'm supposed to ask about it."
"What is your account number?"
"34452296."
"Last name Gregory?"
"No, Shanette."
"Oh dear, sometimes our system crosses accounts…um let me see..."
"Are you serious? This happens a lot?"
"No, sometimes you have filled out a section of the online information incorrectly. It's rare, really."
"So it's my fault."
"Well, the computer does not make mistakes."
"Well, I think someone at the bank made a mistake, because there's a charge on my account for a bank consultation last week and I've never even spoken to anyone at the bank since I set up my account."
"Ma'am, the computer does not make mistakes. If your account charged you for an appointment, you must have forgotten that you had an appointment. Even if you don't show up you have to pay a missed appointment fee."
"Ma'am, the computer does not make mistakes. If your account charged you for an appointment, you must have forgotten that you had an appointment. Even if you don't show up you have to pay a missed appointment fee."
"I did not have an appointment! Isn't there some way you can check?"
"I'm sorry, you'll have to call Client Accounting Services to see. I can transfer you."
"No I just want—"
"Hello, Client Accounting Services. What can I do for you? Hello? Hello?"
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